Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
(Would like to advise for you to play some music for extra blog ambiance, just press the play button on the left!)
So it is official, there is a Refrigerator Thief where I work. I have been at my current office job for about 3+ years and every department has a refrigerator for all the busy workers to store all their food goodies. My department just happens to have me, one of the biggest stock pilers of tasty frozen food goodness in case there is a situation that I can't leave my department. My tasty frozen food goodness consists mostly of after school snacks a mother
would serve her kids and her kids' friend that come over, this cuisine usually consists of but not limited to bagel bites, mini hamburgers, veggie patties, hot pockets, and other frozen food fare. Over the past 2 years, my coworkers and I would be periodically missing random frozen food, drinks, and yogurts. We just overlooked it and just thought perhaps it was just mistaken food owner identity. But now it has escalated in the past 2 months, and my coworkers and I are missing our food! Bagel bites, White Castle hamburgers, corn dogs, Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches, lasagna, chicken wings....all disappearing over the weekend. We come back on Monday and my "don't look and stay off me plastic bags" weren't barrier enough. I even took out the food out of boxes so it looked like there wasn't anything. Bastard goes into my bags and LEAVES MY ASS WITH VEGGIE BURGERS ONLY! (I mean really those are for show!) Looks like we have a weekend hamburglar on our hands. But only this hamburglar will need an orthopedic surgeon to remove my foot from his ass. (Thanks I'm Gonna Get Ya Sucka!) Well, since I don't know who this "Refrigerurglar" is, all I can think of is SABOTAGE!Ways to make this bastard regret eating anything....think, think, think.....stayed tuned....
(for inspiration I'll use one of my fave Far Side cartoons by Gary Larson)
I used to be a big gum supplier to not only to myself but to someone who seem to obviously seek out my gum packs that were on my desk and help themselves to them. Normally, I wouldn't care, but it started to be so excessive that I was going through 20 piece packs of gum in 3 days. (I probably have 1 piece a day!)
So to combat this I started my own line of passive aggressive love notes to my "gumurglar."
They started of friendly:
"Hey there! This is not your gum!" (gum taken)
Followed by friendly wonderment:
"Hey! What are you doing? This is NOT YOUR GUM!" (gum taken)
To a polite bossy request:
"I know WHAT YOU are doing! STOP! (gum still taken)
To a tit for tat:
"If you are going to STEAL gum, at least leave me some monetary compensation" (gum still taken)
An eye for an eye:
"I'm going to find you and stab you in the eye!" (gum still taken)
To direct name calling:
"You are an A-hole!" (whole pack taken)
This officially was the last straw, and finally I came up with this concoction.
AND THEY HAVEN'T TOUCHED IT SINCE! It has been on my desk like this for about 2 years. (pardon the sideways angle...trying to fix that)Sorry mom and dad, I know I have a dirty mouth...but THAT'S WHY I'm chewing ORBIT......
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