Notorius P.I.G. Sunday, December 21, 2008

So I am a shop-aholic.  I shop a lot.  I love the thrill of a good deal and a sale at any store from Nordstrom to Target, a store sells something I probably have been there and purchased something from there.  Since it is the holiday season, I have been out and about scouting deals and buying millions of presents for friends and families to not only achieve a retail high, but to find the perfect present for anyone on my list.

NOW, I have been noticing the outpouring of men in the shops lately.  I know, I know that the holiday season brings out the everyone as you will definitely be in some sort of a dog house or even sleeping on the couch if you do not get that special person in your life something for the holidays. Unfortunately, for a handful of present receivers I have been seeing lots of men in the section of sleep wear.  NOW, the subject of sleep wear is quite questionable.  I know guys, sleep wear sounds practical.  It will keep your lady warm and cuddly as she sleeps.  You want to give her something useful that she can use all the time.  PLEASE, TURN AROUND AND STEP AWAY FROM THE SLEEP WEAR (lingerie included-you know that is for you).  One of the last things I am sure is on a woman's "I WANT" list is freaking PJs.  In fact I'm pretty sure an old shirt and shorts do well for sleep wear.  Nothing is more disappointing than opening a wrapped present to find PJs or a robe in the box!!!!!!  It screams, I don't love you and I didn't put much thought into your present.

Well, if I can't buy her sleep wear what do I get her?  I'll answer!  (that is unless she doesn't wear much and she keeps it simple-otherwise jewelry is a sure bet)  When you watch television, your ass doesn't see PJ ads, you see jewelry ads DAMNIT!  Now if you don't know what kind she would like, it would be helpful to ask someone that knows her well.  Such as a BFF or even a close relative like a mother or sister.  Those options are nil?  Go to her jewelry box and see what she likes.  If she has lots of gold then get her something gold, if she likes platinum get her platinum, can't afford the platinum?..get her sterling silver.  JUST DON'T GET HER SLEEP WEAR!  No robes, no PJs, no slippers!  Save that present for your mother (or maybe not even her).  

To bring it home let me bring home these potential scenarios to light:
Him: (gives her the beautifully wrapped gift) Happy Holidays!
Her: OMG!  I wonder what it could be?
Him: Something you will love and get to use everyday!
Her: (opens box, a grimaced smile emerges and fake excitement ensues) Oh...a robe!  Great!
Him: I know I picked it out just for you, it is your favorite color!
Her: Thanks, honey.

Her:  (silence=bad unless you want her to be silent is a WHOLE ANOTHER STORY)
Him: WTF I do wrong now?
Her answer?  The infamous "NOTHING"

Him: (gives her beautifully wrapped gift) Happy Holidays!
Her: OMG! I wonder what it could be?
Him: I hope you like it!
Her: (opens present) Oh it is a *insert jewelry piece name here*!  (assuming you got her style right) I love it.

you get some. (please do not be mad if you don't, as I personally cannot guarantee it)  but you won't be in the dog house.

Trust me, you will be thanked later...and the praises will continue for awhile. (cause a girl gotta show off her new bling to her friends and brag)

Thanks fellas!

A concerned lady shopper looking out to prevent holiday misfortune for all...